Reflection on a Moment Passed

"I got mud on my toga," she said,
Eyes full of mischief,
Hair sparkling like the many thousand stars
That seemed to mock me and my inability to make decisions.

I wanted to tell her that I thought she was the coolest girl I had ever met.

But instead, all that came out was,
"Yeah."
And I stood there
As she lifted her Roman robe,
Revealing just an inch or two of creamy, white thigh.
I thought, for a moment
I had swallowed my tongue.

As she erased the drops of earthen spatter,
I was frozen in my tracks,
Hoping she couldn't see what I was hiding
So horribly.

In a matter of minutes, the stains disappeared
As did my chances of telling her I loved her
More deeply than the depths of the deepest ocean
Or higher than the heights of the tallest mountain peak.
See? It's better I didn't.
Words are my enemy.

Oh, how I long to hold her,
Caress her smooth skin,
Feel her lips on mine,
Know the touch of her hand,
Taste the sweetness of her breath.

And yet, I stood there
Like a statue
And inside, I crumbled to ruins
Like the ancient city in whose garb we were covered.

Her laughter electrified the night.
The sound of her voice sent shivers down my spine.
How long had she been talking to me?
How long had I been standing there,
Mouth gaping?
Eyes staring?
Heart pounding?
Hands sweating?

Finally, my feet learned how to walk again,
And we reached the party.
I left her side
But for a moment.
I got her a drink to whet those divine ruby lips,
Soft and supple,
Like the petals of a dew-tipped rose.

And he crept in,
The cunning fox.
I WAS ONLY GONE A MINUTE!
And then, she was his,
Completely under his spell,
She cooed and batted those lashes,
Giggled and puckered and playfully pouted,
And she touched his arm.
I wanted to die.

She was not one of his play-dolls.
She had a brain before they met.
And whit and will and virtue,
Which I found sexier than anything.
And he destroyed her.

"It wasn't supposed to happen like this."

She had waited for someone like me.
And he took her.
Used her.
Broke her.
And I just didn't know how to put all the pieces back together again.
God. Knows. I. Tried.

I'm married now.
Not to her; she's still single.
She's still broken,
Though with time, I see her mending,
Little by little.

He works in a bank, with his MBA.

I laugh.
Not at him, just at his circumstance.
Karma.

I told her I loved her once.
And then she asked about my wife.
"She's fine," I said.
"Just not you."


"Oh."

I think she gets it now,
That night
In the mud,
Under the stars,
Wrapped in sheets
In which I wanted, ever so desperately, to be entangled
With her.

"OH."


Mouth gaping.
Eyes staring.
Heart pounding.
Hands sweating.

Hers, not mine,
for once.

"Oh."

"I, I've had a few beers."
I said, eyes sparkling with the tears
That were forcing their way to the surface.



She wanted to say she had loved me too.
I know it.
I could see it written on every fiber of her beautiful being.
She wanted to lament her mistake and make amends,
To tell me she was sorry,
So sorry,
Not just because she ended up with a morning after pill and a broken heart,
But because she had loved me too.
And she had been too afraid to let it escape those now trembling rose petals.

But instead, all she replied was,
"Yeah."


And then she walked away.